I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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