Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
