My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
