when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
