Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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