I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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