Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
