Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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