Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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