I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
