My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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