My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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