People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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