Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
