whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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