if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
