That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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