Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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