I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's blow job season.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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