I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
