He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
