She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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