our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
