i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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