new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
