So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
