Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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