you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
