Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
