It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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