i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
