I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
