So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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