I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
