Sponge bath it is.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
