woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
