today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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