Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i barfeds in our rink
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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