I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
