How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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