i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
