My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
