butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
