His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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