I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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