that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
