Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
