Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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