um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
