i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
