If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What a dumb baby whore.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
