Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
