And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
