Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
