Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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