Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
