Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
