WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
