you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
A+ Viking dick
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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