How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
