if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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