Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
